Power Rankings: Umps dump dose of dumb in bad week

Updated Aug. 26

I realize that nobody was paying attention, what with the Little League World Series finale, 32,000 Chinese children uniting in song at the closing ceremonies, Denver getting acknowledged for something that doesn't involve John Elway, and the looming post-Labor Day ban on white pants. But last week was one of baseball's dumbest in some time, and for this we can blame the umps.

Umpiring, I'm told, is hard. You're asked to make snap decisions, then defend them as a 62-year-old man wearing stretchy pants expresses his disagreement by spraying you with spittle. Nobody knows your name, except when you screw up. I get this.

There is no excuse, however, for failing to keep track of the ball-and-strike count. This happened twice last week, with Coco Crisp awarded a three-ball walk against the Orioles and Andre Ethier awarded a five-ball pass against the Sillies. In addition, no fewer than five games I saw during the last few days featured a strike zone about the size of a 50-inch flat-panel TV. The called third strike that ended the Yankees-Orioles contest on Sunday was so far outside that Nick Markakis might not have been able to hit it if he tried.

It's an epidemic, I tells ya. So, before my brain starts to leak at the prospect of reading 3,200 semiliterate columns about the need for instant replay, let's just get on with this week's Power Rankings.

Power Rankings
Current		Team	Previous
	1	Cubs · Trends	1
	Rich Harden (4-1, 1.47 ERA, .162 BAA, 13 K's/9 innings as a Cub) has been every bit as dominant as CC Sabathia, even as the team continues to limit him to five or six innings per game. If Harden's arm is going to forcibly detach from his torso in a cloud of blood and volcanic ash, you want it to happen in October against the Diamondbacks, not against the NL's weak sisters in August. ... Here's why Carlos Marmol is unhittable once anew: Lou Piniella doesn't feel compelled to use him 13 times a week now that Jeff Samardzija has emerged as a legit late-game option. ... Baseball players are tougher than you or I, Vol. LXXVII: A tooth explodes in Carlos Zambrano's mouth, and he spits it out and finishes the game. Had the same thing happened to me, I'd have told my editors that I needed the rest of the week off -- that is, if I were able to stop sobbing long enough to convey my discomfort -- then spent the rest of the afternoon soliciting sympathy from the perky oral hygienist.
	2	Rays · Trends	3
	Minus two regulars and their closer, they took two of three from the Angels and two of three from the White Sox; they're 9-4 since Carl Crawford and Evan Longoria went down. This is a legitimately great team which has as good a chance of winning the World Series as anyone else. I don't know why some people are still portraying them as an adorable little tribe of upstarts. ... Dammit, B.J. Upton, pay attention out there. ... You can't put Carlos Pena into the MVP debate, not after how he flailed in the season's first half. But he's carrying the Rays at a time when they're undermanned. Willy Aybar has been doing yeoman's work as well.
	3	Angels · Trends	2
	They're 4-8 in their last 12. Still, the schedule should cure what ails 'em, with an indifferent Oakland/Seattle/Detroit trifecta set to ease them out of the summer doldrums. ... I don't see how anyone can even briefly consider thinking about the possibility of maybe potentially giving MVP consideration to a player who only contributes in 70 of a team's 1,450 or so innings, but the Francisco Rodriguez drumbeats keep getting louder. I'm not sure he's a top-three candidate on his own team, much less in the AL as a whole.
	4	Brewers · Trends	4
	Number of complete games CC Sabathia has notched in 2008: 8. Number of complete games Johan Santana has notched in his career: 8. So while CC may embrace the workload, I still don't see the point in having him throw 130 pitches in a game that the Brewers were winning by five runs in the eighth inning. Doesn't anybody in Milwaukee remember how the guy fell apart from overuse last October? ... Today's incomprehensible Ned Yost batting-order machination, brought to you by Lactaid: Half-assed analysis reveals that he almost always aligns the order by position -- 2B, SS, LF, 1B, RF, 3B, CF, C, P -- regardless of who happens to be playing that day. Somebody ought to tell him that batting orders are as easily customizable as minivans or birthday cakes.
	5	White Sox · Trends	5
	The bullpen didn't exactly distinguish itself in the two losses to Tampa. That $20 million for Scott Linebrink was sheer folly, the baseball equivalent of paying $199 for one of those "exclusive" Elvis collector plates, but the White Sox will be better armed for the postseason when he comes back in a week or two. ... I try not to make steroid/no-steroid assumptions in the absence of a positive test, but I'll allow myself a grin when Ken Griffey Jr. passes Sammy Sosa on the all-time homer list in a few days. ... Possible Ozzie feud of the week: unfavorably comparing the lasagna fatti in Boston's North End to the arepas in his native Venezuela.
	6	Twins · Trends	6
	You can't be too upset with a four-game split against the Angels, but the Twins had the Sunday finale won before the bullpen once again pooped on the couch. The 'pen has blown seven leads this season in the eighth inning or later. ... On the plus side, the starting pitchers don't seem to walk anybody, ever, intentionally or otherwise. ... Talk about a trade that panders to the worst instincts of headline writers: "Twins acquire Guardado for Hamburger." Cue up the inevitable "were ketchup and relish included?" puns, then go take a hard, cold look at yourself in the mirror.
	7	Red Sox · Trends	7
	But they're a shaky No. 7, owing to injuries that have gutted their pitching staff and lineup. No matter how the Boston front office underplays the problems, the numbness in Josh Beckett's pitching hand and J.D. Drew's chronic back issues cannot be considered good signs as the Sawx head into New York and Chicago. ... The bullpen's looking a bit sturdier, at least, right at the moment when the starters have gone logy. ... As capably as Jed Lowrie has been filling in, I don't buy the Julio Lugo-has-played-his-last-game-for-Boston thing. What other team is going to swallow the $18 million he's owed?
	8	Cardinals · Trends	9
	Chris Perez sure doesn't seem to be fazed by the prospect of multi-inning saves. ... Adam Wainwright looked way sharp in his long-awaited return from the DL. Of course, he faced a Braves lineup that included precisely 3.5 major-league-caliber hitters. ... Just when I thought Tony La Russa had run out of ways to impress me -- the cagy platoons, the 386 pitcher resuscitations, etc. -- he upped the ante again on Saturday night. Rumor has it that Bruce Springsteen delayed the start of his St. Louis show until La Russa and his companions arrived at the arena. If true, that's some serious pull.
	9	Mets · Trends	8
	The recent hot streak came against the likes of the Braves and Nationals, so let's withhold attaching any kind of division-favorite tag until after the upcoming Philly/Florida/Milwaukee road trip. ... With John Maine on the brink of disintegration, it bears asking once again: How in tarnation did the Mets not bother to grab some grade-C pitching depth at the break? ... After two weeks of postponing Luis Castillo's return from the DL -- "No, really, Luis. Just take your time and make sure you're 100 percent. In fact, why not head home for a few days to check on your lawn?" -- the Mets finally bit the bullet and activated him. He may well be a lesser option than the Easley/Reyes platoon at this point.
	10	Phillies · Trends	14
	Nice job returning the favor against the Dodgers. ... I hereby pronounce Brett Myers officially fixed ... I harp on this every week, but Chase Utley ain't right. You watch -- next March, we'll read a story about how he played the second half of the season with fractured ribs, a deviated septum and three sick children at home.
	11	Blue Jays · Trends	10
	They're 3-9 against the Rays this year heading into Tuesday's series. ... I wish I knew why I have such a hard time finding interesting things to say about the Jays. I enjoy watching them play, especially on Halladays, but they're a fodder-free franchise on those rare occasions when J.P. Ricciardi isn't mismanaging the roster.
	12	Yankees · Trends	13
	Let's not get too giddy about that sweep in Baltimore. Twenty-five of the final 35 games are against teams with winning records, they rank third from the bottom of the league in defensive efficiency, and the rotation is populated by individuals surnamed Ponson, Rasner and Pavano. ... Speaking of Cavalier Carl, anyone who expects anything beyond mediocrity from him is wishcasting. The guy barely cracked 90 on the radar gun against the Orioles and left half his pitches right out over the plate. ... Joe Girardi's relentless positivity when it comes to injury diagnoses ("He won't start a throwing program until Sept. 20, his foot is still in a cast, his leg muscles have atrophied, and he can't take more than 10 steps without getting winded ... but sure, Chien-Ming Wang might be able to help us in September") is getting tired.
	13	Diamondbacks · Trends	12
	They're 2-7 against the Marlins this season. Whaaaa? ... Lacking for gambling opportunities in the days before college football kicks back in? Wager a few dollars on which D-Backs reliever will surrender the next game-blowing blast. Jon Rauch and Brandon Lyon both came up small within the last week, meaning that Tony "the one who pitches, not the one who can't hit" Pena is likely next.
	14	Dodgers · Trends	11
	Here's one for the Balboni-thick stupid-organizations-doing-stupid-things file: The Dodgers are planning to get no-contact tubbo Andruw Jones, not the defensive ace he once was but still at least above-average in center, some innings at first base. If his knee is truly that screwed up, sit him the hell down. ... Russ Martin is seriously dragging as we head into September. Congratulations once again, Joe Torre, on winning games in May at the expense of your players' welfare in August/September. ... I've been touting Jonathan Broxton for two seasons now, but he sure seemed to be gripping the ball tight during his blown save on Sunday night. His first few pitches were in a different area code than the strike zone.
	15	Marlins · Trends	17
	Do not take their two-spot elevation as anything other than a commentary on the teams below them. This is a now a mediocre club with solid pitching and weak offense, as opposed to the mediocre club with solid offense and weak pitching they were at season's start. ... This week's stat-that-looks-like-a-typo entry: In his last 43 innings, Ricky Nolasco has walked three and struck out 51. ... His ball-bludgeoning notwithstanding, Dan Uggla might be a kinda not-good player. He punts one out of every three double-play balls hit his way and routinely gets lost on the basepaths (as he did yet again against the Giants, when he ran through a stop sign and cost the Marlins a run in a game they eventually lost by one). Since the break, he's hitting .189 with four homers and 12 RBI.
	16	Astros · Trends	15
	Hunter Pence and Lance Berkman apparently need refresher courses in running on contact when stationed at third base. Both made that inexcusable gaffe during the last week ... I'd like a congressional investigation into the events of the 10th inning of Sunday's game, in which batless retreads Brad Ausmus and Darin Erstad both connected for home runs. The odds of this happening -- they had three dingers total in 2008 before it -- were roughly equal to the odds of an unanticipated visit by Halley's Comet. The fix was in.
	17	Indians · Trends	20
	Anthony Reyes -- at least six innings in three of his four Cleveland starts, 2-1, 2.22 ERA -- could go down in history as the one wayward pitcher Dave Duncan couldn't fix. ... Snark if you will about the uninspiring level of competition, but an eight-game winning streak is an eight-game winning streak. Kudos to the Tribe for not having quit on 2008, even though injuries and white-flag trades gave them every reason to do so.
	18	Rockies · Trends	21
	At 8-2 in their last 10, they're the hottest team in the NL West, which is a lot like being the hottest girl at dental college. ... Ian Stewart has put up some impressive numbers (.973 OPS) in his 177 at-bats. If he's the real thing, the Rockies can set about trading Garrett Atkins for pitching help.
	19	Tigers · Trends	18
	How oh-my-lord impressive were those three dingers Miguel Cabrera hit in Kansas City this weekend? Impressive enough to force the national media to run highlights from the otherwise pointless and invisible Tigers/Royals series, that's how. ... The Tigers (Magglio Ordonez, Edgar Renteria, Gary Sheffield, Carlos Guillen, Brandon Inge) have passed the Yankees to claim the league lead in the all-important "number of players starting to look really, really old."
	20	Orioles · Trends	16
	Did you realize Aubrey Huff ranks second in the majors in extra-base hits? Me neither. ... Daniel Cabrera can't pitch. He can't. It's that simple. ... For whatever little it's worth, there's a simmering feud between the Orioles organization and Terry Francona over the way George Sherrill was used during the All-Star Game. Yup.
	21	Rangers · Trends	19
	Is Milton Bradley's leg bothering him again? Damn, guy -- hire a new personal trainer or cut down on the wind sprints or something. ... This could be interesting: Rangers poobah Nolan Ryan plans on installing a tough-love training regimen for Texas pitchers, which will feature more throwing and, ostensibly, less neck-craning as balls fly out of the park. Me, I'd just call in an architect to make the stadium less hitter-friendly.
	22	Giants · Trends	22
	Five wins in a row! I'm genuinely proud of them, like a father whose kid has just learned how to tie his shoes. ... Pablo Sandoval's pre-at-bat routine -- he draws a cross in the dirt, taps his bat on his shoes, puts his left arm in, puts his left arm out, hops around the umpire on one leg -- might be even twitchier than Nomar Garciaparra's, which is saying something. ... Giants pitchers rank third in MLB in strikeouts, which augurs good things going forward.
	23	Athletics · Trends	23
	The two Bay Area teams rank among baseball's lesser entities, and yet they'll seem like titans of talent when the 49ers take the field in a few weeks. ... Now that Justin Duchscherer and Sean Gallagher are down with minor ouchies, the A's will go with baseball's first all-lefty rotation since ... well, you got me. Seriously, somebody call the Elias folks. ... The Big Hurt's 23-at-bat hitless streak will further fuel speculation that the end is nigh. He'll be missed.
	24	Royals · Trends	25
	It seems that somebody new goes on the DL every day. ... They've been out-homered 26-3 in their past 13 games. ... I can sit through Kill Bill and Drew Barrymore interviews without flinching, but when Mitch Maier's face exploded after he was hit by a Zach Jackson pitch, I cringed like a sorority gal. Get well soon, fella. ... Alex Gordon's bum quad may well end his season. I'm starting to wonder if it'll ever happen for him.
	25	Braves · Trends	24
	The contempt that Atlanta lifers like Chipper Jones have for the team's pitchers can only be matched by the unhidden disgust with which John Smoltz and Co. view the team's hitters: The team is 2-12 in the last 14, during which the staff has notched a 7.11 ERA and the lineup has scored more than three runs only four times. Anyone for a mercy killing?
	26	Reds · Trends	27
	From the "we have no idea how to spin this miserable season, either" department, here's a line that ran in the Dayton Daily News: "It appears the Reds will be the only team in the majors this year with two rookies owning 14 or more homers." Re-up those season tickets now, Cincy fans.
	27	Pirates · Trends	26
	Matt Capps looked fine in his return from the DL and has promised to start paying attention to pesky matters like conditioning from here on out. Ain't it funny how the light bulb goes on when a young hurler without financial security has a brush with his pitching mortality?
	28	Mariners · Trends	29
	I spent a legitimate four minutes -- or roughly 3.997 more than most fans have devoted to the Mariners in the last month -- trying to decide whether they should be ranked below or above the Padres. Both have one ace pitcher and one above-average positional player, both seem incapable of developing young regulars, and both have quit on their current skippers. The Mariners ultimately get the nod because they play in the tougher American League. That rare glimpse into my highly technical thought process comes free of charge, by the way.
	29	Padres · Trends	28
	Barring a serious September resurgence, Bud Black doesn't survive this disaster. Remember how everybody thought he'd be the first former pitching coach to ace the manager exam in quite some time? Yeah, not so much.
	30	Nationals · Trends	30
	They're last in geographic alphabetical order and last in everything else. Their godless brand of baseball can only be appreciated by masochists and coma patients.